How my heart sank. I had done zero research on Age For Heroes before sliding the Lovefilm DVD into my laptop today.
Then I read the two words which would give the only clue I needed to the standard of the movie to follow: Danny Dyer.
Dyer is possibly the most prolific actor in Britain today. I would never argue that he is workshy.
One gets the impression he is a pretty decent bloke - the sort that it would be a pleasure to join for a pint down an East End boozer.
His failing, however, is that he just can't act.
Well, to be fair, he can act - as a Cockney whose English diction is so poor that he cannot pronounce th.
He plays the same well-meaning but rough-round-the-edges characters every time. One suspects all he is doing is playing himself.
Here Dyer takes on exactly that role in Adrian Vitoria's wartime commando saga.
He is part of a crack unit led by Sean Bean. Their target is a German radar installation in Norway.
Sadly, the script and plotline are not only horribly cliched but also just daft on occasions.
Firstly, Dyer, only gets on Bean's team by virtue of holding the latter at gunpoint during a prison break. I could just imagine an army major reacting with such benevolence before taking on a life or death mission...not.
Then there in the fact that the group traipse through snowbound Norway in green army uniforms and hardly wrapped against the freezing cold. Thus, as the aerial shots proved, they could have been spotted days before reaching their target.
And on and on it went. The face-offs with the Germans were like something out of a 1950s movie. Had nobody shown the film-makers Band Of Brothers?
I know there was a charity cinema showing earlier this year of Age Of Heroes. I genuinely hope it raised a decent amount of cash for armed forces' charities.
But, while admiring this, it cannot melt me in my final analysis of the movie. It was dreadful and deserved 3/10.
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